Calm my unstableness
by shimo hyozan
Summary: Hakkai's been having a dream that's haunting him. Sanzo simply just can't let this pass. ::My very first 38 fic!::


**Author's ramblings:** stupid fic idea woke me up at 7:15 in the morning! I can't believe it! It was the very first thing on my mind the moment I opened my eyes.  
**Author's notes:** yeah, my first Saiyuki fic. Think it's considered a ficlet, but I'm definite that it's a one-shot. There will be a sudden switch of POV so just try and spot it .

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Saiyuki. It is solely owned by Kazuya Minekura-sama!

Calm my unstableness

A 38 Sanzo-Hakkai one-shot

My recurring dream

It haunts me every night

I try to keep my calm, to hide it all

But tonight,

It was way too much

Enough to wake me up

I sit up from my relaxed position, panting a little as beads of sweat come rolling down my face. I bring my hands in front of me and see them shake involuntarily. Drawing my legs near me, I lean on them to try and stop my shakiness. My hands tucked tightly inside the small space between my chest and thighs.

But to no avail

This action only resulted for my whole being to shake

-

Hakkai sat in the middle of his bed, contemplating on the dream that pains him whenever he remembers it. He relaxed with the warm air that surrounded him, but a chilly air suddenly passed, ruffling his hair a little. _'Sanzo must've left the window open last night'_ he thought as he took a sidelong glance at the bed a few steps away fro his. There lay Sanzo, the top part of his robes rolled and tied to his waist. His arms were casually folded, pillowing his head. Purple eyes darted from front to side, then closed softly.

"What happened? Was it too much for you?"

Sanzo has noticed this already, whether they were camping out or staying in a room, it didn't matter. Recently, Hakkai has been very uneasy whenever he was asleep. This has been bothering the blonde a bit because he couldn't sleep well at all.

"If speaking your mind will help, then go ahead"

There was a minutes worth of silence as he concluded that the youkai wasn't in speaking terms as of now. He rolled to face the wall when a voice spoke.

"I've been having this dream for a couple of days now. They were al the same; repeating over and over again"

A short pause. Sanzo rolled again to face the ceiling and Hakkai inched his ay to the edge of his bed and let his legs dangle down. With his arms beside him, he continued on.

"…I was killing…no…murdering all the youkai around me. I didn't have a _single_ limiter on me. So I murdered them all with my bare hands, slashing and punching them around. I felt like a completely different person. I actually thought I was me, but I saw the markings and knew it _was_ me…blood, all around me, all OVER me" he looked at his hands "my hands…they were drenched in blood"

The blonde sat up, and then stood up from his bed. Reaching for his cigarette pack and lighter, he picked out one stick, brought it to his lips and lighted it._ 'This is gonna be another sleepless session…'_ he thought, throwing the two items on his bed and proceeding to sit on the low window sill, blowing off smoke in the breeze.

"Tonight, indeed, was different. More brutal than the last ones. I was swimming in an endless pool of dark blood. The stench of iron lingered strongly in the air around me. Countless bodies lay afloat, their clothes absorbing the red liquid that they were floating in. I started to swim in dire search for a land piece or anything to stand on. As I neared one, I saw someone stand in the middle, as if waiting for me"

Hakkai brought his hands to cover his face, exhaling a sigh together with it. He kept silent for a few seconds, staying immobile in that position.

"Anything else?" Sanzo questioned calmly, flicking away his cigarette and standing up to close one glass door from the window, leaving the other ajar.

The green eyed shifted his position a bit, and then replied, "I crawled out then stood up. The other person, a female, then started to run towards me. It was later on that I noticed that he held some metallic object in her hand. I also noticed…that she was a youkai…"

Sanzo looked at Hakkai, who started to shake once more.

"She…I…also ran towards her, my fingers spread out. My claws slashed her hair, ripped her clothes and pierced her skin. Blood spewed from the many wounds on her as she fell down, together with me. I sat up, trying so hard to even my breathing. As I did so, I saw the girl, still bathing in her own blood and seemed to be transforming back to normal. Her ears returned to normal and her marking were slowly vanishing. I turned her head to mine and saw Ka…" his voice started to crack "I sa–saw…h–her…f–ace…Ka–n…nan's…and I ki–kill–ki–lled…he–her…"

Sanzo suddenly was urged to walk briskly towards Hakkai, sit beside him and pull him in a warm hug. This caught the youkai **very** off guard but he didn't have any strength to pull away or even move an inch, like his storytelling drained him off of all his energy and strength.

"Enough. I've heard enough, Hakkai"

The man in his arms was still shaking, so Sanzo tightened the hug a bit more, and rubbed the back a little. He really didn't know what came over him, what urged him to go and do this action that could destroy people's idea of Genjyo Sanzo. No one was looking anyway and it was _just _Hakkai.

Wait a minute. When did Hakkai become _just _Hakkai? It was Hakkai, who was always smiling amidst anything, good or bad. Hakkai, whom he felt somewhat thankful to be with.

The shaking finally stopped and Hakkai willed himself to speak

"Why…why are you doing this?" he looked up at the priest, a glint of confusion in his brilliant eyes.

"I can't stand to see you break like that and you were in need of a hug…" Sanzo said, wiping away a small tear from Hakkai's eye. "…Besides, if I allow you to drown in your sorrows and die eventually, I'd have to continue the journey with an always hungry saru and perverted kappa. I might kill them both and walk alone to the west"

"you won't walk alone. I'll also be alone so I'll walk with you. Also, those two can't be killed THAT easily"

"Yeah yeah…so I heard. Can you sleep well now? Your head's pretty cleared up so…" he loosened the hug and let go when long, slender fingers caught his wrist and pulled him close to a kiss.

It was a sweet and short one where neither Hakkai nor Sanzo complained one bit.

Hakkai pulled away and whispered "thank you…for warming me up an calming me down…"he offered one true smile before letting go of Sanzo's wrist and climbing back in bed. The other, after moments of being dazed, stood up and did the same, rolling to his side and facing the empty wall. He felt warm, warmer than usual, but not hot.

"Thanks for the thanks…and you're welcome" he whispered silently, shutting his eyes and finally surrendering to a peaceful slumber.

**A/n:** finally finished typing it! Was it okay? I found it WAFF-y did you? Reviews well appreciated! Thanks!


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